Authenticity: We're Doing it Wrong
Here's the deal: We’ve all forgotten who we are.
It’s natural. It’s understandable. The further we go in our lives and our careers, the more removed we become from our original selves. Our inner voices get drowned out by a growing din of expectation and responsibility.
Add to this the collective identity crisis related to our shifting ways of working and the great personal/professional convergence, and it’s become nearly impossible to find ourselves again in this whole messy landscape.
What belongs in private? What belongs at work? What is the point of all this, again?
So naturally, we’re struggling. Most of us, anyway.
I talk to people daily who want to find their footing again by rediscovering their true selves and – more than ever – to share that self, authentically, honestly, consistently, in their personal and work lives.
But here’s the problem: we’re doing it all wrong.
It’s not our fault. There are a lot of things working against us. Namely:
The platforms. We want to known for who we really are, but the vehicles and platforms available aren’t really serving us. As my friend Kristina Samulewski said to me recently, “the platforms we have are antithetical to the authenticity we crave.”
Life, and our experiences, are complex and nuanced. But these platforms celebrate all the wrong things – short, pithy headlines, photos and selfies, soundbites and likes.
We are messy, and if we’re to be truly authentic, then the stories we tell aren’t always going to fit inside a TED talk title or a one-line quip. And the popularity contest of social platforms is not conducive to cultivating a truly inclusive dialogue and equitable culture.
Looking in the wrong direction. From our earliest ages, we are raise to look outward to define ourselves instead of inward, and backward. We define our value in the context of what matters to those in power, not what matters to us.
At work, as we rise in the ranks, we look ahead, we look to the left and the right, comparing ourselves to others. We seek validation in awards, promotions, titles, and praise. We lose track of the only voice that ever really mattered, the one inside.
As my nine-year-old daughter has said: “We’re all born with a personality. We should just be that personality!” Easier said than done, of course. But the idea is right. And then the question becomes… what is your innate personality?
Impatience. We’re in a rush, borne of a culture of movement and action. Collectively we have lost the value of going slowly and seeking silence, which is the only way to truly connect with the inner voice that we lose track of over time.
Our corporate culture of margins and equity and billable hours engrains impatience as a virtue. We have no time to waste! As a trade-off, we become most comfortable with busy-ness and we avoid long, open, empty schedules.
These challenges are deep-seated and they can feel intractable. I don’t have the answers on how to fix them.
But I will say, as I’ve been studying these trends and helping brands and leaders rediscover their true selves over the past many years, that I feel optimism. Every day I hear from someone ready to challenge the paradox described above.
We’re trying, and sometimes succeeding, to return to our original selves.
We may not have it all right, but more of us are working on this, seeing this, letting it be known. And if there’s been one major takeaway for me, it’s been this:
The secret to defining yourself isn’t about looking forward, our outward – it’s about looking back.
It’s about rediscovering who you have always been and connecting that knowledge to where you are going.
Often times, the most interesting and distinguishing things about us are in the past, and it’s up to us then to connect that to things like our value, our impact, how we want to be known.
And the more we do this, the more we can change the tide and create a future where we can truly be ourselves, and celebrated for it.