The Power of Discomfort to Unlock Growth

dis·com·fort /disˈkəmfərt/ (noun)

a state of unease, worry, or embarrassment

Today we are all united in a period of global lockdown – and in our experiences of growing discomfort and uncertainty. But even before COVID-19 forced us collectively into new behaviors and routines, the concept of discomfort and its ability to shape who we are as people is something I’ve long been interested in. 

Earlier this year, McKinsey took a look at a similar topic with a piece on the “Identity Mindtrap” and the human tendency to believe – especially as leaders – that we have already become the most evolved version of ourselves. We think our greatest growth occurs earlier in our careers, and that we are unlikely to change as much in the future as we did in the past.

All of this highlights big questions about leadership identity, especially in light of the current environment:

Once we reach leadership, are we fundamentally set in who we are? 

Which traits are fixed, and which can we change without losing ourselves?

And, how do times of change and discomfort help open us up to growth? 

Especially as women, I see many of us fall into the trap in both our personal and our professional lives of building a defensive perspective: “I’m not the kind of woman who does that thing,” or “I’m the kind of person who always does this thing.”

As we get older and more experienced, we start to think of these thoughts as facts, and we convince ourselves not only that we can’t change – but that we don’t even deserve to.

Now translate that to how we engage with our teams, and it starts to sound even more defensive and unwilling to evolve:  

“I’m terrible at details, don’t expect me to take notes.” 

Or, “I’m always running late. Sorry!” 

(read: “I’m the leader, so you can learn to adapt to my flaws because this is who I am and how I got here.”)

But what the McKinsey study doesn’t address, probably in part due to the time that it was published in early 2020, is that times of distress, discomfort and uncertainty have the power to shake us loose and push us out of these traps.

Last year, far before the COVID lockdown, I made a Big Move that led to a lot of change and discomfort. After nearly 2 decades living in the same city (save for one brief relocation and some extended travel) and ten years working with the same firm, I packed up my family and decamped for small town Vermont. 

I was uncertain about what lay ahead, and I even found myself listening to some of the critical voices in my midst that fostered doubt. People who had known me for years challenged the decision, even telling me that moving to a small town was not something “people like me” should do.

What did that mean? What kind of person was I? I loved city life, the energy and bustle and diversity and noise, but did that mean that those things were fixed parts of my identity?

When we change our surroundings, do we become someone different? 

After so many years resisting change and pushing in the same direction, against the same backdrop, I felt a compelling urge to take a huge leap over the wall – out of the city – and see what was on the other side. 

What I’ve found, nearly a year after the Big Move, is that the change in scenery did fundamentally change my identity. But that isn’t because of any specific new trait or behavior – though I do spend a whole lot more time outdoors, and I’ve discovered that hiking can be something people actually do for fun. 

The most fundamental change has been in my own relationship with my identity. By following instincts and taking that giant leap, I proved to myself that I actually am the kind of person who takes risks, tries scary things, and constantly embraces growth and change.  

All without losing my identity. Instead, I feel closer to who I am every single day.

As a leader, this opened me up to take even more risks and accept the discomfort that would come with them.

It has also changed the way I interact with colleagues and clients. This is because accepting that we are all still evolving, that we may change even more in the next decade than we did in the last – even if we are advanced in our careers – is a humble, accessible and open mindset to have.

It means we give ourselves a break more often, we seek and embrace opportunities for growth, and we identify and avoid those Identity Mindtraps when they appear. Hopefully, we also do the same for those around us.

After this COVID-19 Lockdown is over, let’s hope this is something we do even more of. Because if anything, this has reminded us that change and uncertainty is going to be a constant in our lives going forward.