What do you want to do with your life?
For anyone else staring down this impossible question, I was inspired to put together some first-hand tips from navigating a mid-career identity crisis.
“And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.”
~Rainer Maria Rilke
I was in fifth grade when I wrote my first college list.
Granted, it was only two schools long and the rankings were based on the sole criteria of the school mascots: banana slugs and brown bears, respectively. But it was clear even then, I was a driven kid.
Once I actually got into college, I traversed the country and then the world, racking up internships and work experience, and finally starting my dream job the day after graduation.
I used goals like dominos – line them up, knock them down. Keep on going.
So imagine my surprise when, several years later and well into my career, I realized that I had no idea what I actually wanted to do with my life.
I had been so busy all those years that I mistook forward momentum for actually uncovering my purpose and true intention. Suddenly I caught up with myself, burnt out at work and stressed out at home, constantly juggling balls (and dropping them) in both domains.
How could I have some so far and be so unsure what wanted to do with my life?
I soon discovered was that I wasn’t alone here. Many people in my life were similarly stuck, and a lot of them were women. As life expands to make room for the partners, dependents, companies and bosses we welcome into our lives, it can be harder and harder to tap into your aspirations and what fulfills you.
So I threw myself into the questions and began the hard work of finding the answers. I started journaling again, I went back to therapy, and I reconnected with trusted advisors I had cultivated throughout my life.
I also spent a lot more time with myself. And through it all, I learned a couple lessons that I want to remember:
It’s a journey, not a destination. The process of unearthing your goals and aspirations doesn’t have a start and an end, really. It’s an ongoing effort to tune in and stay connected, and the more time you spend exploring and listening to those thoughts, the better you’ll get at it. Dig in, and then create the space to stay connected over time.
Embrace the questions. Revisiting the past can help define what you want in the future, but sometimes our most formative experiences can get lodged in our subconscious and we need help to jar them loose. You never know what will bring forth a good memory or discovery – so embrace the questions, live with them, ask as many as you can. Dorie Clark has this amazing list of questions that can help as you look to explore who you are and what you stand for professionally.
Trust thyself. And be unafraid of your answers. I recognize now that I held on to some things for too long earlier in my career because I’d forgotten how to be fearless. Becoming a parent shifted my priorities and I wanted stability for my kids, but they also needed me to be fulfilled and happy in my work so I could have more passion and energy to pass on to them.
Invest in your network. In this process, I also realized I had become very transactional about the way I networked – my interactions were made up of clients and colleagues: current, past, potential. This is actually a phenomenon that has been studied by professors at Wharton, and I began to discover that focusing so much on what I could get out of the relationships caused me to overlook the value of human connection and the serendipity it can bring.
Now that I’m running my own venture, I can say unequivocally that the conversations with no clear goal other than to connect and catch up are the ones that give me the most in terms of energy, inspiration and opportunity.
Ask for help! Assemble your board. When you’re exploring your own aspirations, you don’t have to be alone. You have built countless relationships along the way in your life and this is the perfect time to lean on them. I fully subscribe to the concept of cultivating a personal board and calling upon those people at any time that you need honest feedback, encouragement or help to reconnect to your values and aspirations.
Feed your energy. If the way you spend your days takes more energy out of you than it gives back, maybe it’s time to find a new way to spend your days. And like most things in life, the way this looks will certainly evolve. There was a time that running teams and developing people was my favorite part of my day. But I began to find that those efforts were depleting more than serving my work, and I was craving more time to follow crazy ideas or pioneer new concepts. When I finally accepted this, it led me to the realization that I might really be ready to strike out on my own.
And, perhaps most importantly, I learned that to discover what it is you really want in life, you have to stop being afraid. Life is too short to spend it worrying about making mistakes in your career or wondering too much about what others will think.
Make it interesting. Take a good dose of the great Brene Brown and remember that it’s important to get vulnerable. Try new things and let yourself mess up. I guarantee it will help jolt you out of any sense of complacency you may be feeling.
If you’re looking to rediscover what it feels like to have a sense of direction, purpose and meaning in your career then it’s time to get out of your comfort zone. Let go, embrace the uncertainty, and try new things. It’s pretty great out here.